i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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