in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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