just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize