when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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