Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
