I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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