Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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