She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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