remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
