none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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