genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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