Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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