Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
