party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
