Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
