I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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