sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
