I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
