I got chris browned last night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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