I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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