I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
