ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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