captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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