I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
