I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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