yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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