I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
