He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
