you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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