Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You may now shotgun with the bride
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
