Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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