When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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