so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
