We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize