were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
