Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
