These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
