Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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