Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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