Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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