That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
