im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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