someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
