Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
