if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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