Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
