i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
