Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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