I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
