with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
