im about as happy as oj after his trial
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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