just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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