would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
