I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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