The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
