they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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