You're my little dorito
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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