I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
