I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
