i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
