I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize