I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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