He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
