***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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