yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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