He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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