drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
