we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
