I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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